2024-02-25 • day 34 • in progress
Time doesn’t heal problems, nor does it change the situations we’re facing. However, it does offer a moment of respite, allowing us to return and confront the situation from a different perspective. That’s why at times, stepping back and taking a break from the situation can be incredibly rewarding.
I confess I haven’t written in over 15 days. I’ve let time pass, focusing on reestablishing habits that prevent me from feeling depressed all day and enable me to see my feelings for Laura from a fresh perspective. Over these weeks, I’ve resumed exercising, engaged in projects that aid in my daily life, and gradually regained the direction of my life, which had been somewhat lost.
Yet, there’s something intriguing about all this. Despite my efforts to focus on other matters unrelated to Laura, thoughts or reminders of her always find their way to me. Not a day goes by without at least one thought of her. She remains present, always there, despite her physical absence, regardless of my desires, even amidst crisis. Laura resides in my heart and mind.
This leads me to assert that what I feel for her is no falsehood, no passing fancy, no fleeting obsession, nor toxic fixation. It’s simply an immense love. Moreover, her presence in my life is not a necessity. As I’ve demonstrated this week, I can rebuild my life perfectly well without her and be content, yet still harbor an immense love for her.
Each passing day reaffirms the enormity of my love for her, regardless of circumstances or the opinions of others. Laura Camila Mejia Bernal, I love you to the extent that I wish to shout it from the rooftops, to have the world bear witness to the enormity of my feelings.
So profound is my love that I cling to the hope of speaking to you again on this February 29th. It’s a date of sublime significance, occurring only once every four years. Additionally, it marks the return of Formula 1, the second thing I love most. Thus, it seems an ideal moment to make another attempt.
However, I don’t wish to approach it in the same manner as before. Rather, I desire to demonstrate the beauty of my character by engaging in one of my favorite aspects of conversation: listening. I want to hear you, to ask countless questions to comprehend your emotions, to propose solutions to alleviate any distress (as it seems detrimental from what I’ve observed). For the first time in a while, I yearn for us to converse without contention.
I acknowledge this won’t be a simple conversation. Your displeasure towards me is palpable; you’ve blocked me across all social media platforms, and your demeanor towards me has been less than welcoming. Yet, I understand these feelings stem from our circumstances. This time, I wish to converse from the heart, setting aside the weight of our past discord.
Hence, I’ve refrained from writing and dedicated ample time to pondering this situation. I seek tranquility, calmness, serenity, and peace to approach this conversation without causing harm. Therefore, I’ve endeavored to improve aspects of my life, ensuring I am not at a loss, nor do I bring detriment to yours. I aspire to be in a positive state when I confront this situation once more, as I desire this to be our final encounter.
Similarly, today marked my inaugural venture onto a bustling thoroughfare, an endeavor that proved immensely satisfying. In that moment, I was immersed solely in the act, indifferent to external circumstances, reveling in the experience—reminiscent of my initial encounter with you.
These inaugural experiences possess a magical allure. The pursuit of excellence in our endeavors, despite delayed gratification, yields moments of profound beauty in life. Gradually, I find myself feeling increasingly content.
Fortunately, I am on a promising path, though many endeavors remain untapped. The journey ahead is lengthy and, at times, sluggish. However, with unwavering perseverance, I am confident in my ability to progress gradually