2024-02-11 • day 20 • overwhelmed
Annoyance, irritation, is one of the worst sensations one can feel, and when it’s with someone else, it becomes even more tragic. That’s why I don’t understand why Laura is so annoyed and behaves this way towards me. I don’t understand this overwhelming annoyance towards me; I don’t understand why we can’t turn the page and be much happier.
Living with someone who is so annoyed with you is very difficult. Dealing with a person in that state is very challenging, but it’s almost impossible not to deal with them, as we’re always together, and it’s inevitable not to talk or exchange words or something of that sort. It’s truly impossible not to interact with each other and at the same time very difficult to do so.
It’s difficult to talk to her because whatever I comment or say, she will look at me with disapproval. Anything that comes out of my mouth, she simply and plainly gives me a piercing look to make me be silent. Even if I have the answer, even if I’m the only one who knows it, she prefers to ignore me and act as if I don’t exist, preferring that over fixing things with me.
This morning, I wrote to her to let go of the annoyance she showed yesterday, but it was as if I hadn’t said anything. However, in the morning when I woke up, she responded to some comments I made, and I didn’t feel that annoyance as evident as she showed yesterday or throughout today. In the morning, I thought that what I had said and proposed had taken effect.
Unfortunately, my expectations and thoughts were very wrong with reality because she tried to distance herself from me, but for some reason, we always ended up together. She tried to distance herself, but destiny or life always made us be together. Besides that, I tried to talk to her, but it was as if I had punched her in the face because she gave me a piercing look when I talked to her.
It’s too horrible a feeling that she produces in me every time she looks at me badly for no reason. I don’t understand her; I don’t understand why she’s so annoyed with me. I hope we can solve this situation soon, although with how annoyed she is, I doubt very much that it will be resolved tomorrow, and I even think it will be much worse.
Besides Laura being very annoyed with me all day, the parade was not the best in the world and was quite boring. It wasn’t like yesterday when it was entertaining, where you could feel the party, the disorder, and the good atmosphere that carnivals generate. On the contrary, tranquility was felt, boredom ran through the veins, and languor was smelled in the air. The dancers were already tired of the relentless sun, and everything went out early.
It wasn’t a good day for the carnivals; I expected much more from that parade because many groups repeated themselves and did the same as the previous ones, taking away the meaning of passing by again. Definitely, it wasn’t a good day at the carnivals or regarding the situation with Laura.
Unfortunately, I have to endure all of that; I can’t do something to reverse the situation. It’s not in my control for Laura to stop being annoyed, unfortunately, it’s not in my control for the carnivals to be fun, unfortunately, the parade is not in my control to improve it.
Fortunately, after the bad parade we had, we went to eat salchipapa, one of my favorite fast foods, where I also had a good time with her, and it felt like everything had been left in the past a bit because, despite not being so comfortable with my presence, she included me in the conversation they were having and didn’t behave as badly with me as she did at the parade.
After that moment, and after arriving home, we went to a supermarket walking with the four of us (Juliana, my uncle, Laura, and me), and as you can imagine, the way didn’t feel so comfortable because she wouldn’t even speak to me, not even her mother. She was very focused on ignoring me all the time, so even though we were close and there was an opportunity to talk, she would simply avoid it all. She didn’t want to talk to me.
The annoyance she had and has with me is so much that when we arrived at the supermarket, my uncle and Juliana leave us alone and tell us to go buy things together. Those words for her were like a dagger in the sternum; she was angry, furious, and really didn’t understand why she was. Once we entered, I asked her what we would buy, and all she did was walk faster and ignore me.
Then, at home, I checked TikTok, and I realized that she had blocked me. She had done one of the things I least wanted to happen; I didn’t want her to keep blocking me from every social network she could. I didn’t want that to happen, so the moment I saw that, my mind and heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
I couldn’t contain the tears and sadness inside me, and I had to go to the bathroom, where I spent approximately 3 hours crying, lamenting for all the bad things I had done, regretting every mistake I made, wishing things would change, wondering why she had to do that, what was the purpose of blocking me. At that moment, I felt destroyed.
But as everything in life, you have to overcome it and very quickly because at that moment, my family arrived to greet me, and I had to be with a smile to receive them, and then we had to go to a burrero salon to have a good time.
But unfortunately, as usual, what was evidenced throughout the parade and yesterday repeated itself again, her bad faces, and her penetrating looks made the atmosphere between her and me too tense, besides she didn’t want to go to that place, and she didn’t want to be there, made everything more complicated and difficult, all that made the situation become more tense and very difficult to resolve.
I doubt that anything will improve tomorrow, but hopefully, the annoyance she has can be forgotten.