2024-02-09 • day 18 • hopeful
I saw you again, fiery, beautiful, stunning as ever. I heard from you again, after a month where the last thing you wanted was for me to be far from you. But for some reason, life brought you back to me, and therefore, a new opportunity to fix things and transform the feelings you have towards me into something positive.
But I admit, I had some guilt for this encounter, as it wasn’t my responsibility to be in that car. I shouldn’t have been there; we shouldn’t have seen each other at that moment, and probably we shouldn’t see each other in the following days either. But I wanted things to be this way. It was my decision to be in that car and make that four-hour trip just to see you. It was my decision to want to go to the carnivals tomorrow. It was entirely my decision.
I made that decision because I want to spend time with you. I can’t allow you to be here, offering me the chance to see you, and then decide to reject it. I can’t accept life giving me coincidence and me choosing to ignore it. Therefore, I will do everything possible so that every time there’s a chance to see you, I can see you because life gives us many days like today, and I know that if it’s not this time, in the future, we will meet again.
However, I will be calm. I will give you my greatest happiness. I will be there for you, as I always have been. I will take care of you as many times as necessary, even if you don’t want me to. I am here for you today and always, even if you don’t want me to be.
Literally, my day was spent just thinking about the moment when you would get in the car and I would see you again. I arrived an hour earlier than I had to be picked up, and all day I was excited yet trying to calm my nerves at the thought of seeing you again.
What’s impressive is that I wasn’t afraid; I didn’t get nervous when I saw you. On the contrary, you filled me with happiness with that smile on your lips. I was struck by seeing you so joyful, and from your expression, I suppose you didn’t expect me to be there. But there I was again, despite the rejection you had given me a month ago, despite your mistreatment. There I was, despite what others might say, there I was to see you again.
You probably would have preferred me not to be there, probably you would have preferred not to see me. But I had to be in that place; my enamored heart wouldn’t allow me not to be there. For my own good, I had to be there.
Despite your initial surprise, you were quite calm throughout the journey, and fortunately, you didn’t make me feel like I was doing something wrong. I love it when you treat me like that, when you forget about the problem that exists, when you leave that behind and we start anew.
Although this time you were asleep, probably that’s why I liked it even more. You were in your vulnerable zone, where there was no problem or annoyance greater than the sleep you had. Probably that’s why you were calm with me and didn’t mistreat me or reject me again.
I hope that things will improve in the days to come and be much better. It’s carnival time, times of great happiness and joy. I don’t want there to be problems between us; I want us to enjoy this moment together, to make it a new adventure between us, to make it an opportunity to build something new. I hope my wishes are not in vain and actually come true.
For now, I leave with the satisfaction of having had you in front of me, so close to being able to touch your skin again, so close to smelling that perfume that brings back so many memories and excites my cells. Thank you for giving me such good sensations with such small and tiny details. I appreciate having you in my life, even if only for moments.
I really hope we can fix things and leave behind that annoyance you have towards me. I really hope everything passes, and we can enjoy life together again… or apart, but without that annoyance you have towards me. I really don’t like that, and it doesn’t do me any good. If you’re not upset with me, that’s already a gain and a huge satisfaction for me.
That’s what I hope to achieve in this time we spend together. And if we can enjoy some other moment that life gifts us, it will be a great satisfaction. In other words, my plan is to be able to end the problem. Anything beyond that is a gain, it’s satisfaction for me.
So with joy, with happiness, I want to enjoy this beautiful life that you create with just your presence. Laura, I love you, I love you with the deepest part of my heart, and you do so many amazing things in my life. I love you.
Adding to the situation, it’s much better to forget about that tedious problem we have than to keep being upset with me and making us have bad times. It’s better to forget about it and enjoy these moments we have together, to have a good time with my uncle, mom, and Juliana, rather than being in a bad mood, creating discomfort and bad times for ourselves. It’s better to be well and enjoy than to be miserable and bogged down by that.
It’s all in your hands, how you lead the conversation, how your attitude is every time I approach you, how you talk to me, how you behave. It’s in your hands to want to change this situation and have an incredible time because I don’t know if it is for you, but for me, it’s very horrible to have to endure annoyance knowing that if we resolve the problem, the benefit is so immense.
I hope you want to solve it because that annoyance isn’t hard to stop, it’s just a matter of will, it’s just a matter of wanting to stop being upset with me because I will do everything to make you okay, I will do everything so that you have an amazing time, and literally, your attitude and way of enjoying life change.
They sound like big promises to fulfill, but the love I feel is immense, and it’s not unreal. Besides, I’ve wanted that moment for a long time, and I know you too well to make it come true.