2024-02-08 • day 17 • calm
Years can go by, but at some point, your life starts to change in a way that your days are much happier, your behaviors change in a way that even if there are problems, you simply overlook them and constantly seek to be comfortable with yourself. The only thing that ends up being important to you is enjoying what you have and getting excited about what you can achieve, but without losing sight of the horizon.
That was precisely the feeling that predominated in me today; I felt calm, peaceful, even with the problems that have existed for a long time, I was calm, content, living, and enjoying my life without seeking to change them, without bothering but above all without getting irritated. That’s one of the things I’ve changed in recent months.
Nowadays, problems slide off me more; I don’t care too much about being able to solve or fix them, especially if I can’t intervene. For example, sometimes I can’t make my family’s words and thoughts be as I want them to be, so what I do is simply ignore them, distract myself with something I can control because obsessing over changing it only produces discomfort and anxiety in my life, which is not good for achieving everything I want to achieve.
Equally with Laura’s situation, I no longer care if we resolve it or not because I no longer see it as necessary to be able to talk. Now I believe it would be best not to resolve it to be able to move forward with our lives because simply trying to solve it after several failed attempts and knowing how stubborn we both are is practically impossible. I would spend my whole life trying to fix it to be able to talk to her; therefore, I prefer simply letting it go and talking to her in the most natural and organic way possible.
I still love her, and I would say even more than before, or at least in a different way. I no longer love her with the same eyes or the same feeling. What I feel for her has solidified, and now my love is of authenticity and freedom, it’s only if she desires it, it’s only if she wants my love because it is very stressful and therefore harmful for me to continue in the same situation and always want to fix things in that way.
Every day I am more grateful for the time shared because she has taught me and shown me many things that have helped me transform the way I feel, live, and above all, think. Thanks to her, I am no longer the same as I was a year ago. Thanks to the experiences lived with her and how time has progressed, I can say that my life has changed in a profound way. Laura was a significant turning point in my life.
To this day, I am still learning from experiences and conversations had. For example, I now let myself go more; I do what I want and not what I think is the right thing to do. I am no longer so rigid; now I navigate through life more freely, not staying in the same space, but experiencing what I might enjoy. I don’t stress so much about whether I’m doing well or doing badly; now I only think about whether I’m enjoying it or not because I practiced what I had thought about for a long time.
Life is to be lived, that is, to feel each situation with the intensity that I consider appropriate. Life should not be burdened with things we cannot control, things we cannot foresee at first glance. Life is to be calm, doing what we like, stressing ourselves when we need to, getting upset when we want, and feeling each emotion, but always knowing how to return to balance.
A life without balances and imbalances is very difficult to live; being so conservative or so extreme (in my opinion) can be harmful and is not a practice I recommend. For my life, I prefer to disorder and reorder when I feel like it and when I feel it is necessary with justifiable reasons, without needing to do things just for the sake of doing them or because they are socially acceptable.
Despite how good I feel at the moment, I still miss being with her; I still miss her and still wish to be by her side, still wish to talk to her. In fact, even my parents think I talk to her when all I know is if she had any interaction with TikTok. Unfortunately, Laura is not yet in my life, although at times she comes, and instantly she goes.
If she were to stay, I am 100% sure that neither my life nor hers would remain the same. Talking again would mean such a big change in my life that it would inevitably influence hers because if I feel content and happy in the situation I am in right now, I cannot imagine what it would be like to talk to her daily. Saying it would be wonderful would be an understatement because of the number of reasons and changes that would occur in my life.
For now, I will continue to enjoy life, continue to love her, continue to get annoyed, continue to cry, continue to laugh, continue to remember her, and get excited about the person who sets my heart to boiling point because undoubtedly just seeing her makes me die of excitement.
And for you who are still reading this, I have some advice to give you: no matter how lost you feel, there will always come a time when everything will be stable, and you will be a new person because life consists of stages and processes that you will gradually discover. With the decisions you make and the actions you take, life itself will show you the way to survive that abyss.
So, my dear friends, do not lose hope.