2024-02-01 • day 10 • in love
In the era we live in, it has become very easy to fall in love with someone and then assume that you love them or, even worse, assume that you have a relationship with that person. As far as I’m concerned, loving, falling in love, and having a relationship are three concepts that go hand in hand, but one must know the differences well to execute them in the best way.
From my point of view, falling in love is a mood state in which idealization of the surroundings and the illusion of coexisting with the other person become important factors that do not allow you to have an open and calm mind to see all the possibilities that really exist and thus make the best decision. In other words, falling in love is a mood state where you are flooded with a diarrhea of emotions and feelings towards the other person and/or everything around you.
Love, on the other hand, is a much more consolidated feeling, and although everyone can give it the meaning that best suits what they are feeling and seeking at that moment, the truth and commonality is that love allows you to have a clearer view of the reality in front of you and removes the filter from glasses that alter your perspective of the world. In love, you realize that people can make mistakes, and instead of overlooking them and not focusing on them (as happens in falling in love), you take the time to detail them, analyze them, and accept that they are part of the other person, and regardless, you will continue to love them.
Love can go much further than simply removing a blindfold to see the reality that couldn’t be seen while in love. Love is a tremendously powerful feeling that can make your attitudes change depending on the love you have, your thoughts and ideas change depending on how much you love the other person. Love produces unexpected changes in our lives; indeed, love can do so many things for us that words alone would not suffice to specify everything that love can do.
After going through these stages/feelings, you reach one where all the flaws, discomforts, etc., are accepted and overcome by the great love that abounds between the two. In this stage, the only thing sought is the well-being, coexistence, and personal as well as social development of the other person. In this stage, the final drawing of what in love was a simple sketch is developed. When you have a relationship (a real one), you become more aware of your actions; now you think much more about how your actions, your partner’s actions, or the actions you take together can impact both of you as individuals and as a couple, as well as everyone accompanying you.
It is an equally beautiful and necessary stage, like any of the others, but unfortunately, very few people know how to handle them correctly, causing the statistics of couple breakups per year to continue to rise. Many think that having a girlfriend is something simple, and therefore, many treat it as a game. Those who don’t often aren’t ready for such responsibility, just as it happened.
At the time, I wasn’t ready for a relationship, although at the moment, you may be arrogant and ignorant, thinking it’s something simple that doesn’t require much effort, or worse, you become the boyfriend of someone with problems and psychological issues that you haven’t resolved yet.
To be someone’s boyfriend, you must first be very aware of the enormous responsibility that comes with it. Your thinking and attitudes must change immediately and be much more aware that your actions and inactions, your words and lack of words, have a significant impact on the other person or the people around you.
That’s why if I were in a relationship right now, the only person I would be interested in having something with is Laura, because of the immense love I have for her, the incredible desire to take care of her and improve every aspect of our lives, the immense dedication I would give in every interaction or non-interaction, verbal or non-verbal, that we have. Being in a relationship with Laura at this moment would be the most wonderful thing I could experience, analyze, test, and never tire of improving.
In my relationship with Laura, problems would be solved with very good communication that highlights the benefits for both people, the solution to the issue at hand, as well as the sacrifice that each of the two must make for that solution to be fulfilled.
As far as routines and monotony are concerned, I wouldn’t let them consume us, and I would try to ensure that there was at least a variation from the previous day every day. For example, if one day we cook together, the next day we don’t cook together but engage in an activity for a date, and so on each day. It doesn’t have to be a daily obligation, but I would ensure that it doesn’t die out and occurs at least weekly or at worst every two weeks, to avoid always repeating the same as the day before and entering a cycle where you don’t know what to do with your life.
For days when the possibilities of talking are very low, there will always be complete freedom on my part for her to go as long as she wants, always having the freedom to respond when she wants to and tell me what she wants to tell me. I will always be delighted and willing to listen. I have no problem with that, something that in the past was very difficult for me.
In general, in the relationship I would have with Laura, there would be a lot of freedom and trust for her to do whatever she wants with her life because the only thing that interests me and matters to me is that the other person feels comfortable and satisfied in the place where they are. It is very gratifying to see how you give someone that freedom, and yet they continue to choose you and desire to love you and build a relationship with you.
Let’s learn to have a relationship to enjoy the companionship and well-being it brings to the other person and thus be able to grow day by day with the person who truly loves us.